Monday, August 18, 2008

A Sincere, Heartfelt Prayer

Dear God,
I know that I am a sinner.
I know that I don't live according to your rules and laws, and I have a tendency to disregard the rules I don't like.
I know that in the post before this one, I ridiculed the very idea that someone/something as big and powerful as you could ever get involved in politics, or any of our other concerns. I take it all back.
God, please, please, please, let this one thing happen for me.
It would bring a level of intense focus, purpose, and determination to my next 80 days that has perhaps been lacking in my previous 47 years.
You see, I need this. I need it badly. There would be a kick in my step and a twinkle in my eye, if you could just intervene one time and make this happen.
I would miss meals to sit down every night and type about this, God. I'll give the world delirious rants and foam-at-the-mouth fiskings the likes of which they've never seen.
Napoleon supposedly wrote that one should never interrupt his enemy when he is in the process of making a mistake.
So if they're planning on making this mistake anyway, never mind. I'll give you credit however it happens. I'll make a pilgrimage to Baylor Baptist in Waco, or at least the Seventh Day Adventist college in Keane. I'll stop bearing false witness during our morning production meeting. I'll honor my mother by playing Skip Bo with her more often. I'll stop coveting my neighbor's ass, if that's what it takes.

Please let this one thing happen.

Amen

6 comments:

West, By God said...

I'm praying along with you.

I was actually rather hoping for Hillary, since that would pretty much guarantee a loss for the socialists. But Gore will do just fine.

Francis Shivone said...

Perfect. Your best post ever.

I don't know about the Skip-bo though, that's asking a little too much.

Dr Ralph said...

Now that's just plain mean.

Nick M said...

Oh dear, sweet, fuck!

Has there ever been a ticket like it since Adolph Hitler and Hermann Goring?

I mean Goring might have been a drug-crazed Nazi transvestite but we could at least of gone dancing.

Time to leave the planet.

Not the Goreacle. Anybody but the Goreacle.

The Whited Sepulchre said...

Dang it, my prayers were not answered. Time to start over....

Dear God,

Is there any way you can prevent the Dallas Cowboys from winning a playoff game this year?

Amen.

god said...

My, er, Self man! What you asked for is pure madness! Be happy with the loud man with sound foreign policy experience and hair plugs. As for that other, well I've got a bone to pick with him and his new religion...