Monday, March 9, 2009

An Awkward Conversation With The National Maitre D'

Excuse me, sir.... May I have a word with you in private? This will only take a moment.
Did you enjoy your Sesame-crusted Tarp? Truly an excellent choice, and one of my favorites.

I apologize for taking you away from your guests. They seem to be having a grand time.

Shortly after some members of your party, Mr. Bush and Mr. Cheney I believe, ordered the first round of blackened stimuli garnished with hand-foraged collards for $152 billion, I took the liberty of running your card through our system, strictly as a matter of policy.
Your card was declined, but you've been such a good customer for so many years, I assumed that our computer was at fault.

So when your guests ordered the bottomless housing appetizer package of possum medallions with juice au jus drizzled over pulverized McCain nuts for $345 billion, the card was once again declined.
I'm told that you are over your limit.

In the meantime, to avoid any embarrassment, the staff agreed to bring Mr. Paulson his Wall Street bailout of dehydrated mineral water de Pelosi (with a bearish overtone and a hint of knotty pine) at $700 billion. We ran your credit card through our system once again, and I apologize for mentioning this, but I must now ask if you have any other means of payment.

You see, Mr. Geithner just ordered a newly-minted Federal Reserve guarantee d'fault (from Peking) for $4 trillion and, to be frank, Mr. Geithner is well known for avoiding his share of payments. May I be so bold as to suggest a separate check for Mr. Geithner?

Mr. Obama's behavior has been puzzling. On Thursday night he called in his order for a pork-stuffed stimulus with 8,600 sesame infused earmarks and insisted on a small partial delivery to your table by Friday.

He insisted that no one be allowed to read his order prior to delivery.

We don't understand the need for such haste when the majority of his entree won't be delivered until 2010 and 2011. Pork-stuffed stimulus often goes bad between election cycles, and our menu clearly states that we cannot be responsible for the appearance of this entree in the cold, harsh, light of day.

Is it possible for you to pay cash? Or should I bring everyone an individual check?


TarrantLibertyGuy said...

... and sweaty Charleston Heston runs out and screams "The Pecan Encrusted Soilient TARPII with a demi-glaze of Pork sauce --- IS PEOPLE! IT'S PEOPLE!!!"

Dr Ralph said...

TLG - I shouldn't laugh, it will only encourage you (still, it was funny).

That third plate looks like something from a crime scene.

Dr Ralph said...

BTW - the article from which you nicked the final photo was a rather witless rant against what the author refers to as "tall food." Reverse snobbery at its worst. To each his own, I say.

His article "The Age of Unlimited Copying," was a little more interesting.