Thursday, March 18, 2010

You might be a Libertarian.

If you've ever waited at a stoplight and wondered how much more efficient it would be if stoplights were privatized, you might be a Libertarian. 

If you know how to pronounce the name "Ludwig Von Mises", you might be a Libertarian. 

If you think the funniest three words in the English language are "Small Government Republican", you might be a Libertarian.

If you can't see a Broken Window without thinking of a dead French economist, you might be a Libertarian.

If you've ever stood behind a podium and boasted that "Our candidate broke 5 percent !", you might be a Libertarian. 

If the audience started applauding madly, they were all Libertarians. 

If you've ever had a dream where you were locked in a room with Alexander Hamilton, a rabid dog, one gun, and two bullets, and in your dream you shot Alexander Hamilton twice....you might be a Libertarian. 

If you've ever wondered why we're spending money to have our navy defend Japan and Taiwan from China, using money that we're borrowing from....China, you just might be a Libertarian.

If you root for certain sports teams because they don't play in publicly funded stadiums, you might be a Libertarian.

If you've ever been to a Tea Party, a NORML meeting, a Gay Rights parade, a Peace Run, and helped staff a gun show all in the same month?  You're probably me.  And you're a Libertarian.   

If you think that Barry Goldwater was too soft on Communism, you might be a Libertarian. 
If you think that Karl Marx's quote "From each according to his ability, to each according to his needs" is a great way to encourage people to hide their abilities and publicize their needs, well, you might be a Libertarian.  (I don't know where I first heard that.  Will give attribution if someone will tell me.)

If you've ever Googled the words "John Stossel DVD Boxed Set", you might be a Libertarian. 

If you've ever broken up with someone because she wouldn't say "Federal Reserve Note" instead of "Dollar", you might be a Libertarian. 

If you've ever carried a pistol because policemen are just too damn heavy, you might be a Libertarian. 

If you not only believe that marijuana should be legalized, but that morphine sulfate should be available in five pound bags at the supermarket for a couple of bucks, like sugar... but probably in a different aisle, to avoid confusion, well, if you go that far with it, you're probably a Libertarian. 

If you've ever gone into a singles bar thinking that The Nolan Chart would be a good conversation starter, you just might be a Libertarian. 

If you own one of the rare Milton Friedman action figures, you might be a Libertarian.

And last, but not least, if you understood everything I just wrote, you might be a Libertarian. 

Go here to join the party ! !

Logo came from here.

17 comments:

TarrantLibertyGuy said...

Privatized stoplights... GENIUS! Maybe you and your fellow lane-mates could bid an amount to make a red turn to green. Then, the other guys get to start bidding on the green light! Is that a traffic cop in the middle? Nope.. an auctioneer!

TarrantLibertyGuy said...

I always thought Jeff Foxworthy was a bit of a genius, not because he's so humorous, but because he's made an outlandish amount of money doing a standup comedy routine where he tells 100 jokes a night with the same punchline.

Ghost Dansing said...

you might be a Libertarian if most of your ideas are incapable of translation into workable public policy

The Whited Sepulchre said...

Ghost,
You nailed it. The fewer public policies, the better. Compare California and Texas.

In the words of Jesus, "You are very close to the Kingdom Of God".

Anonymous said...

If you've ever referred to a birthday check from your Grandmother who is on Social Security as a "Tax Rebate Check!"

Maxwell Wergin said...

Wait, there were Milton Friedman action figures?

I need to get one!

Chris In A Strange Land said...

Libertarians don't want "workable public policy" they want mob rule.

But to be perfectly honest, mob rule is probably better off than what's going on in California.

The Whited Sepulchre said...

Chris,
Like Ghost Dansing before you, you are very close to the Kingdom Of God. But not quite there.
Libertarians don't want Mob Rule, or "workable" public policy. Mobs don't respect individual rights. Public policy oftent ignores individual rights. If the mob has its way, for instance, I'll soon be paying for other people's health insurance.
Different concepts altogether.

Nick Rowe said...

Traffic lights? Why the hell do we need those?

Perry E. Metzger said...

Taiwan, not Tibet.

The Whited Sepulchre said...

Perry,
Thanks for the Taiwan/Tibet correction. Can't believe I did that, since I've spent a lot of time looking at Taiwan from Xiamen, China.
Corrected.

-Allen

Scott Pettigrew said...

This is AMAZING!

I will be posting some of these on my account on Facebook - will give credit at the end of the series of posting (if that's OK!)

(I'm the political director for a county development group of the LP of Ohio, and am always looking for new members/candidates!)

Ammon said...

To quote Lew Rockwell "If you think that the Articles of Confederation were a gross expansion of government power, you might be a Libertarian."

If you have laughed uncontrollably during any state of the Union address you may be a Libertarian.

If your savings account consists of gold and silver, you might be a Libertarian.

If in an argument you've ever retorted "Prepare to be schooled in my Austrian perspective." you might be a Libertarian.

If you actually know more about economics than a so-called "economics major" you might be a Libertarian.

If you've ever tried to hand a cop a constitution while getting a speeding ticket you might be Libertarian.

If you've told your hippie friends to get a job and your conservative relatives to stop being such hypocrits, you might be libertarian.

Spacemecha said...

How many points of articulation does the Milton Freedman action doll have? It better be at least 20. I don't want a seven point piece of crap like a barbie. I'm so getting one if I come across it.

Phelps said...

Actually, there would likely be very few stoplights on private roads. Roundabouts are safer, and cheaper to keep up as well.

Anonymous said...

I'm bummed. Thinking that I was missing out I googled for the Stossel dvd box set only to find references back to the joke. Will be writing an email to John Stossel to suggest he correct this missed marketing opportunity. Former vice-chair of local lib group. mdgale

Christian said...

hahah Awesome post! Love it