Sunday, April 27, 2014

My Sermon at the NORML meeting

My buddy Tristan Tucker asked me to speak at the recent DFW/NORML meeting. 
NORML is the National Organization For The Reform Of Marijuana Laws. 

I decided to take on a Southern Baptist Preacher persona and give the smokers and tokers a sermon.  It was well-received. 

BTW, only a Libertarian would selectively edit the Old Testament to improve the flow.  Yes, we really do believe we can improve on stuff supposedly written by God. 

Enjoy. 

My name is the Reverend Doctor Allen Patterson, and I bring you greetings from the First Church Of The Tarrant County Libertarian Party!!  Our text for today is from the Book of 1st Samuel, Chapter 8.
Look it up on your phone so you won’t think I’m making this stuff up.  Way back in the day, Israel was governed by a small group of judges, and their only job was to intervene in disputes, enforce the laws of the land, and protect the borders. 

Does that sound nice?  Yeah, that sounds nice.  1 Samuel, Chapter 8. 

One day the people of Israel came to Samuel The Prophet and said, “You are an old man.  Now we want a king to be our leader,  just like all the other nations. We want a king!  Choose one for us!”

Samuel was upset to hear the leaders say they wanted a king, so he prayed about it. The Lord answered:

“They aren’t rejecting you and your judges, Samuel.  They’re rejecting me. Do everything they ask, but warn them and tell them how a king will treat them.

10 Samuel told the people who were asking for a king what the Lord had said:

11 If you have a king, this is how he will treat you. He will force your sons to join his army. Some of them will drive his chariots, and some will be in his cavalry.  Your other children will have to farm the king’s land and harvest his crops, or make the king’s weapons and parts for his chariots. 13 

And the people STILL said “Give us a king!” 

And Samuel said “Your daughters will have to make his perfume or do his cooking and baking.” And the people Still said “Give us a king!”

14 The king will take your best fields, as well as your vineyards, and olive orchards and give them to his own officials. 15 He will also take a tenth of your grain and grapes and give it to his officers and his officials.  (Can you imagine the government taking only a tenth??)

And the people Still said “Give us a king!”

16 And Samuel said “this king will take your best young men and your donkeys and make them do his work. 17 He will also take a tenth of your sheep and goats. You will become the king’s slaves, 18 and you will finally cry out for the Lord to save you from the king you wanted.

19-20 The people would not listen to Samuel. “No!” they said. “We want to be like other nations. We want a king to rule us and lead us in battle.”

21 Samuel listened to them and then told the Lord exactly what the people had said.

And the Lord answered. “So…..Give them a king.”

Thus ends the reading of today’s word from the Lord. 

DFW/NORML, for 3,000 years we’ve known how kings and governments behave.  And yet some of us still say “Give Us A King!”  There's a little girl named Emma sitting at this front table.  She's totally innocent.  Never spent a dime in her life.  Our kings and their government and their reckless spending have put Emma $50,000.00 in debt.  If  Emma’s foolish enough to grow up to be a taxpayer, her share of the national debt is $110,000.00

Emma's share of the unfunded retirements, Social Security payments and other liabilities?  ONE MILLION DOLLARS. 

And some of us still say “Give Us A King”. 

The Richard Nixon through Barack Obama Drug War has killed 40,000 civilians in Mexico.  We have as many as 800,000 people in prison for non-violent drug offenses.  It costs 40 to 50,000 each, per year, to keep these people in a steel cage. 

And we still say “Give Us A King.”

George Bush, Bill Clinton, Sarah Palin, Newt Gingrich, Barack Obama, Al Gore, Arnold Schwarzenegger and RICK FREAKIN’ SANTORUM all affirm that they have smoked marijuana, all of them would’ve had their careers ended if they’d been busted as kids, and ALL OF THEM STILL SUPPORT THE WAR ON MARIJUANA.  And their parties still say “Give Us A King”. 

Because of the war on marijuana, Barack Obama has more black men living in cages than Jefferson Davis and the Confederacy did at the start of the Civil War.

And the people still say “Give Us A King”. 

Church family, my brothers and sisters at DFW/NORML, we are all sinners.  There is none who is righteous, no, not one.  We have all, in our sinful pasts, voted for Republicans and Democrats, the people who got us into the mess predicted in the Book of First Samuel 3,000 years ago.  We’ve all done it. 

But there is a way out.  And it’s called The Tarrant County Libertarian Party.   Are you ready to end the war on marijuana?  Are you ready to get the government out of your life?  ARE YOU READY? 

Brother Ken Stanford is waiting at the table in the back, along with the rest of our trained counseling staff.  Though your sins be as scarlet, we can make them white as snow.  Though they be red like crimson, they shall be as wool.  There is no other way, there is no other path.  If the other parties could get you out of this hole you’re in, they would’ve done it by now instead of digging it deeper. 

ARE YOU READY TO MAKE A DECISION FOR CHRIST???

So….

May the Lord Bless you and keep you, May the Lord make his face to shine upon you, and be gracious unto you.

May God give you the grace never to sell yourself short;

Grace to risk something big for something good

Grace to remember that the world is now too dangerous for anything but truth and too small for anything but love and tolerance for all….

So may God take your minds and think through them,

May God take your lips and speak through them,  And may God take your hearts, and set them on fire. 

Amen. 

1 comment:

PcTanya said...

But could i not have a king for just some things? Like for instance, roads, flapjacks and cinnamon sticks? And be king less in all other aspects of my life?